Let's Misbehave Page 6

  “I don’t know. I’ve never been anywhere, really. Daddy’s job at Westminster has always kept us close to London.”

  No, she hadn’t yet lived at all. That was exactly why his father, and hers, thought them such an ideal match. She had no past to taint his reputation. And no future, either, except as the pretty accessory to his political career.

  What she needed was adventure. The kind of adventure she longed for, if the sudden feverishness in her expression was anything to judge by. Perhaps she thought she would find adventure in marriage, believed marriage would free her from the stultifying existence she’d led so far.

  He felt a wave of pity for her. She still had so much hope. She didn’t yet know, as he did, that she would be disappointed by marriage. She would simply exchange one gilded cage for another.

  “Shall we go?” He rose and offered her his arm. Anything to distract him from these dark thoughts. He hadn’t been able to shake this mood since he’d woken to find Gabrielle gone, and with her all the sunshine from his life.

  ***

  He took Lilly to the moving pictures at the Astoria Theatre on Charing Cross Road, with its Italian Renaissance façade and lavish Roman interior.

  “Thank you so much for taking me,” she said, as they sat side by side, not touching, waiting for the lights to dim. “Mother never lets me go to the pictures.”

  It was easy to be in her company. His thoughts were free to wander without distraction as she chatted. But with the lights turned low and the soft mood music accompanying the images moving across the screen, he found the old uneasiness beginning to build again.

  It didn’t help that the film, Easy Virtue, struck a little too close to home.

  He remained silent as the lights rose and they left the theatre, emerging into the mizzling rain just as the city lights flared to life, casting rainbows across the puddles in the street. Jazz music rose up from the Astoria’s basement, newly turned into a dance hall.

  They hovered beneath the overhang near the front doors while Sebastian scanned the street for a cab. He’d offered to bring Lilly in his automobile, but she hadn’t wanted to get her hair mussed. His chest tightened as he remembered Gabrielle, hair whipping about her face, eyes closed in ecstasy, as he’d driven her through these same streets.

  Not a cab in sight on this busy summer’s evening. It was a Friday night, and the street was filled with the clamour of automobiles and voices. Only then did he notice that Lilly was as quiet as he.

  “Did you enjoy the film?” he asked.

  “Oh, yes.” But the face that turned up to him looked troubled. “It just wasn’t fair.”

  “What wasn’t fair?”

  “Larita did nothing wrong, and yet she was ruined.”

  No, life wasn’t fair, and the similarities between Gabrielle and the character of Larita had haunted him throughout the film.

  “Our society places a high value on appearances,” was all he said.

  “That’s not right, though, is it? A person’s character means so much more than how they dress or how others treat them.”

  He smiled. Lilly had a good heart. Better than he had, for hadn’t he made exactly those same assumptions about Gabrielle when he first met her? He’d judged her on outward appearances: her makeup, her short skirts, the men he’d seen her with.

  And he’d learned that, as with Larita, she was more sinned against than sinning.

  Lilly shook her head. “My heart ached for Larita. Twice she was abandoned by the very people who were supposed to love her.”

  “You think her husband should have defied his family to stay with her?”

  “Yes, I do.” She turned bright eyes to him. He had never seen Lilly’s calm disturbed before. It was an intriguing sight. “But she was a woman, and different standards apply to women. A man might misbehave and be forgiven, but the slightest slur against a woman’s name and she is cast out.”

  For a brief moment before she brought herself back under control, passion flared in her eyes and her voice. He had a glimpse of the fire within, of the fine, strong woman she could become, if she ever threw off the chains that bound her. The same chains that, until a few days ago, he’d willingly bound around himself, too.

  “That’s changing,” he said. “There’s a bill before parliament right now that will give women equal voting rights to men.” He smiled. “Perhaps you should follow Lady Astor and go into parliament yourself.”

  Lilly waved a gloved hand in the air. “Laws change nothing. Even if the bill is passed unopposed, society will not change. Women will still be judged by a different set of rules.”

  “How can you believe that? Your father is a member of parliament.”

  She looked at him as though she’d never seen him before. “There is so much more to life than the laws passed by our government. For most women freedom isn’t about the right to vote. It’s about the freedom to make choices in our own lives.” Then, quietly, as though the words were not meant for him, “I thought you would understand that. I thought you were different.”

  She turned away, looking down the long road as though searching for an escape.

  When she spoke again, her voice was so soft he nearly missed it. “We all deserve to be loved so much that the person who loves us will do anything for us.”

  His heart tightened inside his chest. She had to know he didn’t love her like that, didn’t she?

  She would never be loved like that—not unless they divorced, and then she would be as ruined as Larita Filton. Innocent and naïve as she was, Lilly was right about one thing. She deserved to be married to a man who loved her. He’d hoped that one day he’d grow to love her, but he knew now he never would.

  Lilly would never have but a shadow of the love he felt for Gabrielle. But in order to give her the happy ending she deserved, he would have to be a cad and break all of society’s rules. He would have to cry off from their engagement and cast her in the role of jilted bride, unwanted, abandoned for a woman most of their circle, their family and friends, would call a harlot. She was so young, so innocent. He would not hurt her like that. He couldn’t love her, but he could protect her.

  Even so, he had to fight down the sudden surge of hope that blossomed at the thought of being selfish enough to cast aside everything he had been raised to believe in and to spend his life instead with Gabrielle.

  An empty cab trundled into sight and he waved to catch the cabbie’s attention. He raised his umbrella over Lilly’s head, but she held back a moment, her face turned to the sound of music seeping up from the basement, before she finally allowed him to guide her towards the waiting vehicle.

  Safe inside, she turned an excited face to him, her concerns of a moment ago already brushed aside. “Will you take me to a dance hall when we’re married?”

  So this was how it began. She was only just discovering her wings, and he would have to clip them. Her reputation was the dowry she brought to their marriage. If he allowed her to experience all the adventures she wanted, then there would be no reason for them to marry at all.

  “No,” he said. “It wouldn’t be seemly for you to be seen in a public dance hall.”

  Her face fell. “The Season is all right, but society balls are so stiff and formal. I just wondered what it would be like to dance without everyone watching you to make sure you behave.”

  He softened. “It’s not the same as a dance hall, but I can take you to an afternoon tea dance. And we don’t even need to wait until we’re married. We could go tomorrow.”

  “Yes please!” She sank back on the leather seat and stared out the window. “That’s not such a bad idea, you know.”

  “What is?” he asked.

  “Perhaps I should take up politics, too.”

  He almost smiled. He suspected she’d be a whole lot more invested in changing the world than he was.

  Chapter Seven

  The afternoon tea dance at the Ritz was already in full swing when Sebastian escorted Lilly from the cab towards
the doors. They dashed inside, shaking droplets from their hair as they passed the waiting doorman.

  In the Palm Court, the maitre d’ seated them at a small table with a good view of the dance floor. They sampled the tea and cakes and made idle conversation.

  Sebastian felt listless. He tried to concentrate on Lilly’s enthusiastic chatter, yet the words flowed over him like water, unable to penetrate the haze that had hung about him in the week since Gabrielle left.

  “Is everything all right?” Lilly asked. “You seem very…distracted.”

  “I’m fine.” Though he felt anything but. He sipped at the milky tea.

  The orchestra swung into a lively Two Step, and beneath the table his foot had a life of its own, tapping out the tune.

  “You’re not listening to me,” Lilly complained with a pretty pout.

  “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

  “Do you see James Marsden-Lacy? He’s on the dance floor.”

  Reluctantly, fearing what he might see, he turned to look where Lilly pointed. It was indeed James, swirling around the dance floor with a petite brunette. His heart seized. He turned away, unable to bear seeing her with another man, though he knew he had no right at all to feel possessive of her.

  “I wonder who the girl is he’s dancing with.” Lilly peered past him. “I wonder—can it really be? It’s Gwendolyn Monckton. What has she done to her hair?”

  Lilly’s words filtered through to Sebastian. Though he did not recognise the name, he sat up straighter. “You know her?”

  “We came out in the same year. I remember her mother used to keep her really close, but Gwendolyn would have none of it. She ran with a wilder crowd. I didn’t really know her well.”

  A few short weeks ago, he would have approved of Lilly’s conservative sentiment. He would have seen it as further proof that Lilly would make the perfect wife, calm and sensible. Now he heard the unspoken longing behind the words.

  Was this how their lives would always be, with both of them yearning to be elsewhere? He would grow bored, he suddenly realised. Already, he was tuning out her voice, as his mother tuned out his father’s voice. His parents seemed content enough with their lives. They wanted nothing more.

  But he and Lilly belonged to a new generation, a generation that not only wanted more, but demanded it. If he and Lilly settled into the dull, unadventurous lives laid out for them, in time they would grow to resent each other. The thought made him shiver. The comparison with Gabrielle was inevitable. She would never be dull. She would keep him on his toes. Together they would explore new things. In bed and out. Just the thought set his pulse racing.

  “Monckton,” he said at last. “Do you know who her father is?”

  “He was in the army, a colonel or something. When he died, the title and house passed to a distant cousin, and she and her mother were left with nothing. I think it was an aunt who hosted her coming out ball.”

  He felt a chill. “The title?”

  Lilly must be mistaken, Sebastian thought. Gabrielle may well have taken a stage name, but she was a nightclub singer, not the daughter of a peer.

  “Her father was Viscount Bampton. You must have heard of him. He died a hero at the Battle of the Somme.”

  He leaned forward, his earlier distraction banished. “Are you sure?”

  “Of course I am.” Then, “Why are you so interested?”

  He should have expected her to ask. But how to answer without hurting her feelings? “I thought I recognised her,” he said after a pause. “I must have been mistaken.”

  Lilly gave him a curious look, eyeing him askew as if seeing through him. He shifted in his seat, so he could no longer see the dance floor. But the ache he felt, the burning awareness of Gabrielle’s presence, did not diminish.

  “Would you like more tea?” he asked, as correct and considerate as always.

  “No, thank you,” she said. “I would like to dance, though.”

  This was the moment he’d dreaded. Would he have to introduce his fiancée to his lover? He squared his shoulders, ready to face the inevitable, then rose and offered Lilly his hand to lead her onto the dance floor. As he turned her into his arms, the orchestra moved into the gentle lilt of a waltz. He had danced with Lilly before but never noticed just how neat and precise her steps were. Her dancing was faultless, and yet now it felt as though something was lacking.

  Over Lilly’s shoulder, on the furthest side of the dance floor, he saw James and Gabrielle. They had not yet noticed him.

  Surreptitiously, he watched them, with a stab of envy he had no right to feel.

  Gabrielle was clearly enjoying herself. Her movements were lithe, full of flair and passion and her characteristic boundless energy. She threw herself into the dance as she threw herself into everything she did…wholeheartedly. She didn’t care if she missed a step or occasionally trod on James’ toes.

  Though remembering how light she could be on her feet, Sebastian wondered with a quick grin if she was doing it deliberately.

  They had made a full circuit of the dance floor before they met with James and Gabrielle.

  “James, dear,” Lilly called out, “how delightful to see you again.”

  The other couple turned at the sound of her bright voice. Gabrielle’s expression froze momentarily before a polite, smiling mask slipped into place. Her eyes touched his, and their gazes locked.

  James and Lilly exchanged pleasantries before Lilly turned her attention to Gabrielle. “I don’t know if you remember me? I’m Lilly Evans. We came out the same year.”

  Gabrielle’s eyes did not leave his. “Yes, I remember.”

  Disbelief washed through him. Or was it something else? A desperate hope, a sudden possibility. The daughter of a peer, a war hero.

  “This is my fiancé, Sebastian Carr-Phillips,” Lilly said.

  “Hello, Sebastian.” Gabrielle’s voice was as cool and detached as the first night they met.

  “Of course you would have known Gabrielle when she was still Gwendolyn,” James said to Lilly.

  Gabrielle flinched. “I hate that name.”

  “Gabrielle suits you better,” said Sebastian.

  At last, Lilly became aware of the tension between her fiancé and Gabrielle.

  “Do you know each other?” she asked, not quite keeping the suspicion from her voice.

  “We’ve met,” said Sebastian. Then to forestall any further conversation, he swept Lilly away, flowing into a complicated waltz pattern that he knew would divert her attention.

  The waltz changed into the Charleston, never a favourite of Lilly’s, and Sebastian led her back to their table to ply her with more tea and scones. When he could no longer resist the pull, his gaze slid back to the dance floor, to where James and Gabrielle still danced with the same lively abandon he’d come to love in her.

  ***

  The Charleston ended and the bandleader stepped up to the front of the bandstand. Gabrielle breathed a sigh of relief. She couldn’t breathe in here. Perhaps now she could persuade James to take her home.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” the bandleader called, drawing all eyes to him. “We are privileged today to have a singer here among us who has captivated the West End jazz clubs. Please join with me in asking her to step up here to sing for us. Gabrielle?”

  A polite round of applause followed. James patted her arm, looking thrilled by the sudden attention.

  Gabrielle was less than thrilled as all eyes in the hotel lounge turned to her.

  As used to an audience as she was, her heart fluttered nervously. She drew in a deep breath, tossed her hair back, put on her cheekiest smile and headed to the bandstand.

  Among all those upturned faces, she felt Sebastian’s gaze hot and hungry on her.

  “What would you like me to sing?” she asked the bandleader. They had played a number of jazz joints together, so he knew her repertoire.

  “Let’s start with ‘If I Had You’,” he said. She nodded and he placed the microphone stan
d in front of her. The band started to play, the music flowing over her a soothing balm for her troubled soul.

  She stepped close to the microphone and began to sing. The love song, the words of a lover ready to start her life anew for the man she loved, stirred her. She had never felt the meaning of the lyrics so deeply before.

  For Sebastian, she would change her life in a heartbeat. With him, her restlessness found surcease. He eased the yearning deep inside her for a home and love, the yearning that no amount of drink or sex had been able to alleviate. Now she knew none but Sebastian could ever fill the emptiness inside her.

  She poured her heart into the song. The love she dared not express coloured her voice as it soared into the space between them.

  No longer resisting the temptation, she allowed her gaze to seek him out across the distance of the dance floor and the crowd of dancers. When their eyes met, cool blue to burning black, she felt the tingle of tension taut between them. Not for the first time she wondered if this connection drawing them together was just a physical thing or whether it went deeper. She knew her own heart, but what of Sebastian’s?

  The band swung into another upbeat melody, giving Gabrielle a momentary break. She forced herself to break away from Sebastian’s enraptured gaze, and her eyes fell instead on the pretty blonde beside him.

  She remembered Lilly vaguely, a malleable young woman, quiet and unexciting. Sebastian deserved more. But who was she kidding? Certainly Lilly would suit Sebastian better than she would. Lilly was everything she was not, demure and controlled, her innocence still written on her face, while she was nothing but frivolous gaiety concealing a weary heart.

  From the look on Lilly’s face, as she studied her preoccupied fiancé, she was now very much aware of Sebastian’s attraction to a woman other than herself, but she did not look particularly heartbroken. Did she not love him?

  Gabrielle’s heart went out to her. She had grown up in just such a home and knew how a loveless marriage could destroy a soul. How hope could turn to blinding hate. A familiar ache spread through her. She wished she could show Lilly what her future held. No one but Lilly herself could save her now from that fate.